Story about how I went from Kissless, Socially Anxious, Overly Nice guy to live full Player Lifestyle… A story of transformation from Shy guy to Confident…
If you are in your late teens or early 20’s, struggling to get women or lack motivation to start your journey to get good at it, I’ll tell my success story which hopefully helps you and gets you motivated to master this aspect of your life.
Originally I was planning to write in this post ways to get you motivated for going out of your comfort zone, but I accidentally wrote a very long life story of my transformation. So I promise I’ll write the original article other time. Anyway, let’s go to the story of me:
I’m myself at my late 20’s now. The beginning of the story takes place over ten years ago.
My story and journey from ‘Shy guy invisible to girls’ To Player
I was an average guy. Not good looking, neither bad, just an average. Personally I was shy as f@#k, I used to be the guy in the group who is listening while the most outgoing guys are talking. I was keeping a low profile.
When it came to girls, I always hoped I would get a girlfriend. An average girl who would just love me the way I’m, nothing else.
The late teens and High School
As shy as I was, the though of approaching a girl was impossible task for me. As I was listening the bullshit dating advice: “Just be yourself and you will find a nice girlfriend some day”.
I did it. And waited. And waited more. Nothing happened. The outgoing guys on the highschool were getting girlfriends, while I was watching aside and hoping some girl would come to talk to me.
I was doing a lot of sports (mostly Martial Arts and bodybuilding) and had a very good body, but it didn’t automatically grant me girls drooling over me. Maybe it would had if I had taken an action.
I also had acquired some amount of “Street Reputation” among some “Bad Boys” (Read my story here about how I acquired reputation in the group of tough guys), but this neither helped me to lose my virginity. Because the shyness was holding my back…
No more waiting. Time to take an action.
At the end of the High School, I realized I will never get a girlfriend just by waiting. I had to make a new plan. No idea how.
I was dealing with my shyness and bad self esteem, reading over the internet controversial stuff either it’s possible to get over the shyness and change your personality.
If you are wondering the same thing, is it possible?
Yes. Fortunately it is. Almost everything can be learned. If you are shy, or have an social anxiety, you can and will get over it if you are ready to focus on this stuff. Trust me, I never though in past I could be social guy in the group like other’s, but that’s where I’m now. Believe in yourself. You can do it. You will do it.
The problem and the solution was found (or so I though, that only getting over the shyness would get me a girlfriend).
At the same time I was searching ways to get over the shyness, I hadn’t idea how the attraction works. I had the generic mainstream idea Hollywood movies show us how the love works. The false truth.
I used hours and hours on the interned searching for the answer.
The rabbit hole goes deeper
Digging more and more information about how average guy can get women, I found a PUA community. (“The Pickup Artist”). I found it late though, somewhere around 2011. I think it’s golden age was somewhere in 2008.
Anyway, there were some inspirational transformation stories how average guys were landing weekly new women on their bed.
I read their theory how attraction works and it opened my eyes. A total opposite of Hollywood love stories. Many of these theories made sense, as I was earlier always thinking why jerks are getting women. None likes assholes. But their psychology behinds the attraction made me realized how it worked.
Even I’m nowadays against PUA and their systems, the way how attraction works is legit. Nice guys don’t get any, as yobs are getting laid all the time. As they say looks don’t matter, that’s the concept I disagree. Looks matters a lot. It’s not all though, but from my experience after maximizing my looks from average to above average looking, my success with women improved exponentially.
Leaving the house and facing my fears (talking with girls) for first time
Anyway, I got an inspiration and wanted to try these techniques. Read some opening lines and ‘canned material’ (Made up stories) to fill my ‘pickup arsenal’.
I had now a different mindset. It made sense why some outgoing assholes get girls. I wanted to be one and try out these techniques, as they were promised to make girls drooling over me.
There was no Tinder neither dating apps at the time. So leaving the house and going talk to women in real life like old school was way to go.
My transformation from shy guy to confident started by going alone to bars and nightclubs, with my anxious demeanor and my ‘Pick up’ arsenal…
I tried tens of different opening lines.
I told tens of different ‘made up stories’.
These Nights usually lead me to get 10-20 rejections/night and I came back to home jerking off. But I was still happy, as I was sold with their idea that I got rejected because I hadn’t enough ‘Game’. Game is a term for the ‘skill of picking up women’, if I’m right. Correct me if not, I haven’t read PUA material at least for 6 years, so I can’t remember the terms correctly.
Anyway, the secret to land hot chicks was unlocked for me. Or so I though. All I had to do, was to master my ‘Game’. This is what I’m agree, that you need to put yourself out there if you want succeed. That’s what I’m trying to say, you don’t learn by reading, but with real life experience. My program to get over this anxious demeanor around women and build your confidence has a lot of same principles as these guides. I just don’t focus on improving the ‘Game’, but becoming immune to rejections and master your social skills and confidence around women. I started doing drills in it after I wanted to try picking up women on daytime(coming in this story). I have posted some of the techniques and opening lines I used in this post, if you are curious how I used to pickup women.
I was reading more and more complicated patterns what I should do to get women, but all it did, I got more confused. I started to become paranoid either I approached from right angle or said the pickup line in specific time.
I went out dozens of times with no success. I got some phone numbers though, few dates, but I was still virgin. I blamed myself that I hadn’t enough game. Ended up digging more information.
Downgrade from Bars to Shopping Malls
I though at the time that going to bars/parties or meeting girls though social circle was the only way to get to known girls.
Then I found some PUA stuff about going picking up girls on daytime at the streets, shopping malls, coffee shops etc. The idea was great. Meeting women anywhere, anytime.
I wanted to give a try. But it was more scarier to approach at the daytime, as people have their own business and aren’t social relaxed mood like in the clubs.
I started with baby steps to get used for approaching like in the program (same link as above).
I had already built some confidence and social skills from the bars, so this wasn’t so bad. I got some phone numbers, but they flaked and didn’t lead nowhere.
After a while, I went back to bars. Now I was doing both, picking up on daytime and a nighttime.
An Eye Opener (There are no rules)
I had done dozens if not hundreds of approaches with no real success.
At the time I only though that the pickup skill is all that matters. The way you talk to women.
These countless nights with no real success weren’t useless though. I learned a lot and got rid of my shyness almost completely after talking with so many strangers and putting myself in uncomfortable situations. I also built a balls to approach women everywhere with no fear of rejections, and learned to flirt properly.
I was still missing the most important thing: a real sex.
I decided to take a new approach and forget the rules of the ‘Game’. Just going out there by being myself and say whatever I want.
In these techniques I’ve read, there were the rules. Like I can’t go for make out after factor x or can’t go for sex because of factor y. These rules were preventing my way for successful dating life.
I wanted to test what happened if I break these ‘rules’, as I had nothing to lose anyway. Also I wasn’t anymore afraid of getting rejected because of countless approaches and rejections. When you get rejected enough, you’ll become immune for rejections.
So the story I’ve told somewhere, can’t remember if it’s on this site, where I just asked straight for sex after I flirted a while and saw she was somewhat interested to me. I was sure that there will be 100% rejection, as I didn’t follow the ‘rules’. But that decision was the game changer. I lost my virginity that night.
I had put so much effort to all of this and though getting laid is a rocket science. But now I got enlightened. There were no rules. Just you and how much balls you have to go for it.
The next weekend I did the same. Picking up without rules, only being yourself with some playfulness and flirt, and just go for make out or ask for sex if she shows some kind of interest towards you. And I got laid again. This was the total point of no return for me. No more rules.
This far what I realized about getting laid, was the following formula:
Approach women, don’t care about rejections + No matter what you say if you are confident + go for it when you see her being interested = Sex
More about her levels of interest in this huge post of mastering your dating success (Complete guide to get good at getting women) -> here. The same link as above, but skips your straight to the chapter ‘Ability to read women’. I just double linked as the post is around 4000 words so if you don’t want to read that wall of text, you can just read that part.
Another Eye Opener (The Looks matters after all)
After I lost my virginity on that night and kept going, the real improvement started to happen. If you are still virgin and reading this post, I can say that it’s the hardest lay you need achieve. A real uphill battle. Afterwards it becomes easier every time to get laid. Read more in this post: ‘Losing your virginity is the hardest lay you need to achieve’
Anyway, the summer was going and it was probably the happiest time I had lived that far. I had got over my shyness. I had lost my virginity and was getting new girls almost weekly. I was more confident and met some cool new people to make friends.
I had lost my original fantasy. Just finding a cute, average girlfriend. It was forgotten as I though I was living the Player Lifestyle and enjoying it. I was still playing a huge numbers game and got rejected a lot, but I still got success too.
One day I was surfing on the Internet and found out about guy, Zyzz . I was late with this too, he had unfortunately passed out (Rest in piece) . Zyzz haters, don’t stop reading yet please, as this post will not turn to Zyzz thread.
Anyway, I watched some of his videos and read his old posts on bodybuilding forum. His transformation from skinny wow nerd to Alpha Trance God getting women like Hollywood stars was a really inspirational. I could relate to him somehow, but my story is a little different. I was too a wow nerd, but I was athletic and I had a good body already, still not getting women until I started to approach and got over my shyness.
I remember he writing something like ‘He had no “game” whatever. All he does, is the same as girls. Looks great and girls approach him’. He was a very good looking with sick body. Also very outgoing person with his unique niche style, it was no miracle he was getting so much girls.
I watched these reaction videos of girls watching Zyzz on webcam and some of his FB posts where he got a lot of compliments from women.
My outlook on dating game changed again.
Until this point I was sure that looks don’t matter, only confidence, as I wasn’t getting girls when I had a better body than after losing my virginity. (I reduced my training at gym a lot after I read the worst advice: “Looks don’t matter”), and lost my prime physique.
I got exited about training again hard and focus on my looks. This far I was thinking ‘Men taking care of looks are gay’. Another toxic mentality.
I wasn’t sure though what made a man good looking (I had a huge chapter of that on my eBook, you can download it here for free). I was searching again the answer. Before I though it was just big muscles.
I found that lowering bodyfat % was the best way to maximize looks. Losing the face fat and getting a sharp jaw line and masculine facial features was what women were after. I also did many other things to improve my looks besides this, like grew a stubble, got tan, got new hairstyle.
This was the another game changer.
The Magic Formula for getting laid is unlocked
The rejection to success ratio dropped dramatically after I maximized my looks. Before I had to do a lot of approaches and I was getting rejected a lot, but now I could get laid from time to time with the very first woman I approached.
The new formula was:
Approach women + Maximize your looks + Learn to flirt and have a confident vibe + Have balls to take things to next level = Lots of Sex
I now realized how the dating game worked.
If I was good looking enough for women, like she would give some sort of interest and won’t reject me (You don’t need to be a male model, just looking good enough for her eye. Different women likes different types of guys and looks), and I could confidently tease her and create some sexual tension, I would get laid if I just have balls to pull the trigger and ask for sex. Indirect or not. You should ask indirectly, something like: “Would you like to come to after party at my place, I make some good drinks for you” instead of “Let’s fuck?”. The first one is always better, but the second direct approach will work sometimes if you want to try (or risk) it as an experiment.
Also I realized there wasn’t a “magic seduction formula” that works for every women.
- Firstly, different women likes different types of men. Some women likes overly masculine guys, some likes more skinny, some likes tall men. Some prefer wide shoulders, some prefer huge arms and some prefer good assess. (Like we men like either huge tits or small tits, or prefer ass over boobs).
- Secondly. It’s always a numbers game. The more you approach, the more you have chances to get laid. But one thing is sure. There will be rejections. You can’t get all the women attracted to you. If you have this kind of mindset, drop it now and accept the reality. This will help you even it may feel depressing if you have a outlook that you can attract any women with enough ‘Game’. It helped me a lot too. I wasn’t anymore blaming my rejections for lacking of pickup skills, but I just accepted she wasn’t attracted to me and I go for next one who may be attracted to me.
- Thirdly. She isn’t available all the time. She may have a boyfriend she’s loyal to. Or she just started dating a new guy and have a honey moon phase, ignoring other men. Or she’s lesbian. Or she got approached already 20 guys this night, got tired and instantly ignores all the pickup attempts. There can be tens of reasons why she isn’t available at the moment, so the ‘magic seduction formula’ won’t work. This is also why you should not take rejections personally, as there is a high chance she’s isn’t available at the moment instead she’s not attracted to you.
It was all clear now. There were no Hollywood love stories. There weren’t neither magic seduction tricks. Nor looks being the only factor for getting women.
There were only available women you had to approach at the right place at the right time. And it was enough if they were even a little bit attracted to your looks, you could seduce her with right demeanor.
By mastering the social skills, playfulness, flirting, your appearance, your demeanor, and taking the action was “Secret Formula” to get laid.
It was a strange adventure for me. But now when I knew how it worked, the fun started. No more stress about getting good at this by learning some strange techniques. Just going out there to flirt with women.
The Player Lifestyle is ahead
Last chapter went little bit more of theory, so let’s continue with my story.
It was the best summer ever so far, following with probably best fall. I was constantly meeting new women and dating multiple at the same time (Nowadays I wouldn’t do that, I have grown some morals to not break hearts and respect).
I got what it’s called, the “Snowball effect”. The more women I f@#ked, the more confident I became. I was living constantly on God mode and getting dopamine rushes from flirting with girls.
This was around 2 years after I started this journey.
Then the final piece came. Or maybe it was a bad thing. Globally. Imbalanced the whole dating markets.
I was so excited when I heard about it from friend. An app where you could get women without leaving your house.
I made a profile and did some dates, got some lays.
I don’t know how the Tinder is nowadays, but what I’ve heard, the Golden Age of Tinder are in the past.
Tinder didn’t though replace the traditional real life approach, like I’ve wrote in this post.
Back to the beginning of the story
I was living the “Player Lifestyle” (Even more hardcore later), but very first thought that bring me here was forgotten.
Finding a long term girlfriend.
I had got some short term girlfriends and fuck buddies at this point, but I didn’t have an experience of real relationship.
And that was what I originally only wanted. A cute, average loving girlfriend.
I could had never believed I could live like this few years back when I was a shy depressed teen with zero experience with women.
The constant dopamine rush from dating new women all the time got me hooked.
But then it happened.
I met this girl who felt different than other’s. Some way special. We started dating.
I lost the player vibe and fell love in this girl. I didn’t even want to meet new girls as she felt perfect match for me.
This was what I originally wanted, but I got blinded over the other lifestyle.
I found her with little different way than usually(?) people get into relationship. I think most gets to relationship via social circle.
As I didn’t have any girls in my social circle at the time, I met her from pickup. The way to find girlfriend without social circle. That’s where my other site’s name, “The Lonewolf Mentality” comes. For going alone out there to better your life and make it interesting.
Anyway, we were falling in love more deeply. The time passed and I got strong feelings on her. My highschool dream was true now.
From top to the bottom
After the Honey Moon phase faded, it wasn’t anymore the same.
As I was inexperienced with long term relationships, I didn’t know this and I tried to chase the honey moon. But it never came back.
The romantic dinners turned to quick meals where she was watching her smartphone instead of talking to me.
Her feelings started to fade and I felt like she was losing the interest.
I was in deep love with her, and wanted to save the situation no matter what.
But I couldn’t. She just became more cold towards me. And I got depressed.
Then it happened. The moment my heart broken in the pieces.
She cheated on me.
This was a very shocking moment, and it took a long time for me to get over it.
We broke up and she had a new boyfriend in less than week.
While I was crippling in deep depression with broken heart.
If you have broken up lately and you are suffering from broken heart, you’ll get better in time, trust me. I felt like I would never get over this. But then there was a day when I woke up happily without thinking of her. Not to make this a breakup guide, I’ll continue the story. (Here’s a one break up guide but it needs some improvements, very old post).
Back on my feet
As I was in deep depression after breakup, I knew I had to move on.
This is the phase where my real ‘Player Lifestyle’ started.
F@#king a new women didn’t help though with getting over my ex, as she appeared on my mind all the time and I was missing her more after random sex. At least for the first 2-3 months.
Anyway, I went for full beast mode on self improvement.
Hit the gym and lifted weights with the fury of beast.
Started more healthy life style.
And also went for full “Player mode” afterwards.
I was doing Tinder and meeting women on daytime at the weekdays, and weekends I went to bars and clubs. Like in this post.
My dating success was a lot better than before the first relationship. I had became a Player.
I don’t no if the key to this success was that I wasn’t putting pussy on pedestal anymore, like on my early days. The experience, the broken heart, getting laid wasn’t my #1 priority anymore. Like I’ve said many times, desperation is the real attraction killer.
The final formula to great success with women was:
Approach women + Maximize your looks + Learn to flirt and have a confident vibe + Have balls to take things to next level + Don’t be needy over her = Lots and Lots of Sex
That’s the story of mine, from average nice guy, shy teenage who is invisible to women; to outgoing social and confident Player with lots of women.
If you are in your late teens or early 20’s with zero experience with women, and you have lost the hope of finding a girlfriend, Don’t. There is a lot of hope, but you need to start your self improvement journey right away. Not on the next week. Not tomorrow. But Today. You can become a Player or find a great girlfriend, whichever you want, but you need to start your journey now. It’s highly possible to turn your dating life around, if you just want it enough. Start from the baby steps and build your confidence from there to successful dating life. If you have no idea where to start, this program I linked already two times in this post is helpful. It get’s you to start your own journey to become successful.